So if you didn't know before, this is a blog about MY thoughts and feelings about MY NICU experience with MY (or ok, our - meaning Brent's and MINE) babies who were born at 24 weeks and 5 days after an absolutely horrific pregnancy, month of in hospital bed rest, loss of a child at 5 days, etc. Really, if you want the whole story, start at the beginning of the blog. I must emphasize (apparently) that this is only MY feelings and thoughts - with an occasional installment from my husband, Brent. I am a nurse - but an adult health nurse with limited knowledge of neonatal care - some learned during a 6 week rotation through a level III NICU just before I graduated from nursing school and the rest I've learned on the fly throughout this 89 day (so far) experience.
If you'd like to judge me in any way for what I write on this blog, feel free. But, realize that I make no apologies for my OPINION. There are 2 sides to every story and I am free to voice mine however I choose. This blog has served as my venting spot, information seeking spot, a liason for us to keep friends and family informed and a spot for us to receive feedback on our current situation and network with those who have had the unfortunate blessing of being in a similar situation. That's it. I make it a point to leave out names of employees involved in the care of our babies for a reason. Of course they can likely identify themselves if they read the stories, but no one else knows (or really cares for that matter) who they are. So, if in reading this, you feel slighted or upset by what's written, re-evaluate your actions - no one else knows who you are unless you tell them.
Furthermore, this blog is laced with sarcasm, harsh criticism, tears, jokes - off color or otherwise. In short, it shows my personality. So, if you have a problem with my "tone" stop reading - honestly -no one forced you to search for this one in bilions of internet sites.
Wondering where this is coming from? I'll be happy to tell you...
Aparently, someone felt it necessary to alert the neonatologist (by the way, there are numerous neonatologists employed here) to the blog. In reading the blog about the rectal exam, he came to the conclusion that it'd be a good idea to question me about it - in the NICU, while I was holding Mary Louise, at feeding time, in front of other parents and nurses. Bottom line? He feels justified in his actions (the rectal exam). I don't feel he was. We simply disagree. I say that he should have notified me and given me the option to decline the exam. He says he "wouldn't have let me decline" and "he doesn't have to notify parents of such a procedure".
Assuming you (doctor) are reading this post as well...
Now, I would question, doctor, how you have time to read my pitiful little social blog yet you cannot - to my knowledge - remedy a situation involving a very specific over-dose pointed out to us by you, a resident and other staff. I am not sure why you care so much about my opinion now, but when I questioned your reasons for the amazingly invasive (again - my point of view - obviously not yours) "procedure" on my son, you blew me off completely. I can't believe that it took this blog to get your attention. Amazing. Most doctors, I would think anyhow, would let such words role off their back and reassure themselves that they did in fact do what's best for the patient. But not you. You needed to confront me and destroy the tiny amount of trust hard earned by your nursing staff and tell me, "no one wants to care for my children." What exactly did you expect to gain from such a statement? My problem is with you sir, not the nursing staff. In fact, I have complimented many of them - again, not using names - but the vast majority of them seem to love their jobs and patients. It took awhile for me to get this system down but once I did, I believed that I found common ground with the staff - as in, we are all here to get our children out of the NICU and home with their parents - as quickly and safely as possible.
I find it amazing that we were at a hospital for 3 months prior to this. Every one knew about the blog - and I mean everyone. It is widely understood that this is simply a journal of my thoughts. I've not had a problem with it until now.
So, if you'd really like to judge, please do so. If you think you're in a good position to evaluate my reactions and critisize them- or compliment them, go right ahead - anyone can comment here - and you can do it anonymously. It is not my children who write this. I am the one who needs to vent and has decided that my outlet be this blog.
To the person catty enough to spread the news of the blog. Mission accomplished - my goodness - I wasn't hiding! The proper authorities are aware.