tiny happenings and passing thoughts during this year...

January: Pregnant with hope, anticipation, anxiety, happiness and of course 3 precious babes...quitting the job I loved to try and keep them safe...selling the Jeep I adored and buying a used Sequoia to try to make room...having the most amazing baby shower (seriously-this thing was like a small wedding reception) I could have ever dreamed of...hearing Brent tell me I was beautiful - over and over...being admitted to the hospital at 20 weeks - on March 19th - only to be told that the odds of bringing home even one baby were slim to none - much less the 3 I had kicking in my (40+ week measuring) belly...clarity, focus on nothing but enjoying each moment I had left with my little ones safe and warm...the fastest, most horrific yet amazing month I would venture to say I'll ever have...seeing firsthand just how much an unbelievable amount of meditation and prayer can do...

April 19th: a MAJOR operation...3 babies...first thought, "put them back!!!"...first feeling - gut-wrenching pain (emotional over physical)...feeling lucky to say, "hello" to baby Kuylen...saying, "goodbye"...pumping (I kid you not) every 2 hours without fail for a full 2 weeks in an effort to get my milk in (seriously, I think Brent could have produced breastmilk at that point)...feeling the grass under my feet and the sunshine above for the first time in just over a month...being able to touch David's hand for the first time when he was a few days old...the first time I left the hospital grounds in almost 2 months was to go to the funeral home with Brent to sign paperwork for Kuylen...the heartbreak and fear I felt when I learned David needed an operation at just 10 days old when he was still under a pound...fogging up his isolette window with tears begging him to pull through and promising him that if he would just produce wet, dirty diapers and breathe on his own, we'd be the proudest parents EVER!!! (a promise I still stick to today)...holding Mary Louise for the first time on mothers' day...holding David for the first time almost a month later...going to Damon's law school graduation just a day or 2 after getting mastitis, pumping in the car on the way...holding both babies (at the same time)just before I left to help make arrangements for Mommom...loosing so much more than a grandmother...it's June now...

Transferring to another hospital with David for his eye surgeries - something we were so hoping we'd not have to do...being absolutely overwhelmed by the immense support of family, friends, strangers, work colleagues, distant relatives and many many more...ahh - beautiful humanity- you don't get enough credit...running after Mary Louise like a mad-woman in the parking lot and hospital when she was transferred in (ha - I still laugh about that)...getting the baby's footprints and a photo taken by their nurses for Brent's birthday...Mimi and Granddaddy coming to the NICU to see the babies for the first time...the babies reaching 4 pounds...having to sit and watch the EMS crew load David up and transfer him back - because he needed to gain another 1/2 pound before coming home...getting to take Mary Louise home from the New Orleans area - the loooooong drive and how well she did...stopping to breastfeed just off the interstate (ha again)...seeing a baby in this house for the first time...David coming home one week later...

August through December is quite a blur - filled with diaper change after diaper change...too many (good) sleepless nights to count...colic babies...colic babies...colic babies...the dreaded reflux...Mary Louise being put back on oxygen for one month - and how wonderful it was to see her face again the day she got to get rid of it!...seeing us all on the couch TOGETHER for the first time...remembering tiny Kuylen with pride, sorrow, and grateful peace...still being is complete awe of the support of our friends, family and not so complete strangers (anymore)...visits from family and friends in which we never left the house - just stayed here and played with our little ones for days!...David's babbles and coos...Mary Louise rolling for the first time...first cereal!

And finally - this year I've gained 75 pounds and lost 62 (ha - never thought I'd say that!)...I've re-prioritized - many times- but never changed my top ranking "family" spot...Brent and I have been through some of the most difficult, tumultuous heartache I think anyone can go through and have come out much much closer than I NEVER realized we could be...I've learned more lessons than I wanted to learn, aged more than I wanted to age - both spiritually, mentally and (gulp) physically - but I aim to do a little something to fix the latter - however, I hold each moment, each experience in my heart as a contributor to the bigger picture of what we are - a family - and I look forward to see what this next year will bring.

Wishing everyone a very happy holiday season and happy happy new year!

xo,
Heather