I've always thought that saying was a little silly - "take things one day at a time" - pft - as if there's any way else I can take them right? So on this day, I have been quite frustrated. I've had more than a couple of moments wrought with self loathing and irritation. My milk has decreased significantly. It has over the last week or so. No doubt it has everything to do with exhaustion and the fact that the babies are sleeping a little longer at night - only feeding about twice between the time I go to bed and get up. I've been consciously drinking more, trying to eat more while concentrating on carbs which I read help with the fat content of milk. I've gained 2 pounds, but not produced more milk. I pump more often than the babies eat which I thought would rememdy the problem in a few days. Nope. Maybe I'm being impatient. Luckily, I have quite the collection of pumped milk in the deep freezer but it certainly won't last forever.
I'm just frustrated. In the moments I allow self centering, I absolutely feel gut wrenching guilt for not being able to carry my little ones longer, for not being able to care for them when they were most fragile, for the loss of my precious little Kuylen. I don't know why all of this happened. No answer would be good enough anyhow. But I've drawn much comfort and repaired bits of self doubt knowing that in the face of all adversity, I could in fact supply Mary Louise and David with the best nutrition. The perfect diet created just for them by my silly silly body.
Hopefully, I can resolve my latest issue in the next few days - or at least see a more promising supply. UGH!
P.S. I absolutely LOVE the jogging stroller - and the babies are much happier on our daily walks.