Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Here...We...Go!!! (again)

We've been staying with Mommom for a few days as there were a few hurricane days granted secondary to Issac. David's surgery is tomorrow...and so is Mary Louise's very first ballet class. Emotionally, I'm certainly in at least 2 places right now...

Mary Louise was packed and ready first thing this morning. Mere and Pops are filling in as care takers, parents, bo-bo healers, and snuggle givers while Brent and I tend to David (and Everett of course - my constant companion). Brent is meeting them in New Orleans so that Mary Louise can make the trek to the house with them. I've obsessively written 2 pages of tips, suggestions, locations (of supplies and clothing and food) and medication schedules...and am certain I forgot to record about 2/3rds of what I mindlessly do on a  daily basis - but I know they'll manage, improvise and make do (and most likely snicker a bit at my OCD tendencies). As long as she gets her respiratory medications, she'll be fine.

Brent just called to tell me that the transfer went off without a hitch - and pointed out that it was ML's first time to ride in a car and she looked a little nervous. Otherwise, though, she was happy to see her Mere and Pops. I feel like my left arm is off doing it's own thing.

David is taking things reasonably well. He was really distressed to see ML leave this morning and keeps asking for "my Meesey Pie" every few minutes. Perhaps the most heartbraking was seeing him open the door, come running out of the house and hearing him wail, "but my sit in da back! my sit in da back! my want to go wid Meesey!" as Brent pulled away and Mary Louise waived and blew kisses. "The back" is where the third car seat is - and it is the least favorite place of ML and D's to sit and is a constant source of bickering. We are finding things to distract and entertain. Everett is a constant diversion as well.

As chaotic as it is with three very young kiddos, the quiet when missing one can be deafening. Of course this is all amplified by the underlying reason for the separation: yet another surgery. I am hoping with all my might for the least invasive procedure possible - inguinal rather than abdominal - straight forward and simple - under and hour and off we go. But, as always, the anesthesia is one of the scariest parts.

The medical voice in my head says, "routine", "necessary", "responsible" while the parent says, "run", "protect", "panic". It's a very odd thing this surgical dance - the staff and doctors and their nonchalance. The parents wringing their hands and holding their stomachs as they hand their vitals off to, well, let's face it - strangers much of the time. 2 extremes caring for one baby boy. It seems almost comical to attempt to look in from outside. (David's doctor seems very good, with a great reputation and has assured me that IF a student is with him, he (the doctor) will be the only one actually working on David - the student would be there for observation only...yes. I asked.) Even in the MOST routine of circumstances, a surgical procedure on a child is nothing but shear agony for a mother (or father for that matter). Add to that the number of times we've had to process such, and our stress over all of this is off the charts. (what, you thought I'd say this is old hat and nothing but our normal? ha.)

We haven't talked much to David or Mary Louise about it - though they have both picked up that David is going to the doctor and Mary Louise will see us again in "a sleep or 2". I know the staff we will be with is more than used to entertaining children and will proceed carefully and gently tomorrow...and I'll be able to breathe again after they come and tell me "all went just fine". Right now, I feel as if my chest won't fully inflate.

We (all) did just fine during Isaac - none of our family was flooded and surprisingly, we (Brent and I) lost power for the longest time I think. After we barely even got any rain in Lake Charles, but everyone was off of work and school as a precaution, the roads were filled with excitement and "stay-cation" goers. Someone committed the ultimate snaffu by hitting a large palm tree one block over from us. Said palm knocked over 5 electrical poles AND blew a transformer on it's way down - leaving 700 (I kid you not) people without power. We were one of the lucky families left in the dark for the next 36 hours or so...thankfully, my milk stash was all in our deep freezer which remained closed the entire time so things were fine. I shudder to think of my adolescent behavior should that milk have spoiled...

Sweet Mary Louise saw my face as I was bringing her to the car this morning. I'd lost it a bit over David's reaction to realizing she was leaving and he was staying. She smiled, put a tiny hand on each cheek and said, "my wuv you too Mommy." and gave me a kiss. I no longer wonder who it is that needs the caring and support. She is so excited about her first "bal-day quass" and probably even more excited that Mere and Pops will be there to watch. She seems to understand that her Momma and Dada need to be with "Day-bid" and has been wonderful about talking about everything with us.

In my heart, I know we will all be "ok" after the fact - but feeling terrible about missing ML's big day, and feeling worse about David's is a little overly consuming right now. My silver lining is that I know our baby girl is getting beyond pampered and spoiled and David is getting his attention time as well. I'll update here and on Facebook as I know more...


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