And to continue...

Everett and I went to the hematologist today for a follow up. Verdict: 3 more months of iron therapy. Boo on this. Good news: his numbers are improved. He is no longer anemic as far as his hemoglobin but is deficient in ferritin (iron stores). Simply put, he lacks stored iron. So, if he should need extra for any reason, it's not there. His dosing is the same. He's 24 pounds now (growing!!) and doing well otherwise - feisty as ever. The hematologist still believes this stems from his traumatic birth...I giggled as he and David marched to bed the other night: Everett in 2T footies and David in 3T. I predict they'll share shorts in the spring...

He has been talking more and more; demanding more and more; and doing everything he can to keep up with his big brother and sister. It's a little (very) overwhelming to watch the three of them play together. Mary Louise and David adore Everett and submit, albeit begrudgingly, to his every whim.

In the past few weeks, we have replaced our (commercial) downstairs heating and cooling unit, had issues with our kitchen faucet and the kids have braved a strep (ML) and cold (E and D) combo. One dog is on antibiotics for a skin issue and the other is on Prozac for, well, a noggin' issue.

Mary Louise and David started rehearsals yesterday for Rudolph - this year's civic ballet production. They are so cute. It's a bit of a mass chaos on stage but eventually kids part and leave sweet David searching for his sister...who typically tries to brush him off once before conceding to take his hand or at least let him follow her. They're both doing well with it all and (I think) loving the attention.

But busy is an understatement here. With all of the pressure, over booking, under sleeping, I still find little moments (when the kids are on stage or at the end of the night when Everett is nursing while falling asleep) to be grateful. The irony that this (happy) sort of busy even gets to me a little after all of the appointments, therapies and just plain organizational mess I've had over the past few years isn't lost on me. I finally have the luxury to think of things as optional - even though it's sometimes on a subconscious level.
**************

Some long over due pics:
There are few things that light up Everett's face as much as a simple ball and game of catch:

We did have a jackolantern this year...but the only little that would touch the "guts" was Everett:


Mary Louise on Halloween:

She spent the evening concerned that someone might need help and mistake her for a "real" doctor. She was so anxious about it that I had a hard time getting her to trick or treat at all. She made sure to tell anyone who would listen that she had not, in fact, finished "docca school" just yet and was therefore not qualified to be of assistance. Sweet baby. What a gift.
David, on the other hand:

promised he could absolutely save anyone and everyone from a blaze - no problem - you know, because that "dus what fire fighters do Mom". (I pretty much believe him. My hero.)
Typical:

Just because:

Betcha can't find David (group pic for Rudolph):


Back stage:






David's congratulatory reward:

Mary Louise's:

Truth be known, Mary Louise wanted flowers after each rehearsal as well.

They were so excited all of their grandparents and Uncle Kyle and Sean came to see "da big stage" performance. Mary Louise begged to see the final showing "from the chairs" and Uncle Kyle happily obliged. (David requested a "Supa Keer-oh show" that evening. Apparently, he'd had enough ballet for the day.)


This picture makes me laugh:

Doting uncles:


Good. Times.

xo,
Heather

The Impossible

Since Friday:

6 batches homemade cookies
plumber fixed kitchen sink
family pictures organized and done
3 bulk batches of granola
some light garden tending
attended a baby shower for a wonderful friend
2 hours of shopping ALONE at a store without carts!!
a few other home recipes made and done
laundry...there's always laundry...
market on Saturday morning
special order of bulk cookies delivered
dinner with family (out!! at a restaurant!!)
movies with family
meals cooked / cleaned
Brent cleaned the house (ah! be still my heart. Love.)
nursing, nursing, nursing the E man
running with David while he rides his bike a few miles (amazing right?)

I get 2 comments most often:
I don't know how you do "it".
You have your hands full.

The latter happened 13 times in 2 hours during a trip to a scarecrow festival at a nearby garden recently. 13 times. really. So, I obviously don't make "it" look easy.

The physical is that I get "it" done by making lists. By prioritizing, plugging away - one thing at a time. Crossing things off of a physical list gives me peace. I know...total nerd.

Perspective. Keeping things in perspective. Staying in the moment - focusing on the most mundane keeps life extraordinary. Though areas usually suffer (hello, blog - long time no see!), I am doing the best I can and enjoying those painfully sweet moments without worrying about obsessively recording. Looking back, I see happy. That is more than good enough.

Time is flying. It is racing by so fast that focusing on those tiny seconds is all I can do.

Business is going well for which I am so grateful. If anything, I am constantly trying to rein myself in - trimming grandiose ideas into neat and tidy "attainable today" goals.

Mary Louise and David are working on numbers and letters and doing well. We got some old school desks refinished with chalk board paint at a festival my elementary school has each year. We draw letters and numbers together on the desk tops, seats - all over. Something about drawing on furniture...never gets old! Everett keeps up with our lessons too - sounding out and imitating everything. He speaks in 2 to 3 word sentences often - extremely verbal and so sweet and polite saying "tank-oo" appropriately.

They are rarely in "street" clothes anymore - very deep into a massive dress up phase. We took them to raid the clearance costumes the day after Halloween. They literally spend hours (ummm...days. definitely days and if they had their way, nights too) as "Supa Keer-ohs" and "Docca- Bal-uh-weena-Pwinceses". Today I caught David, dressed as a police officer, doing a monologue in the mirror:

"Calm down boys and girls! Bo-weese opisuh Dabid is here!"
"You can buh-wax now. I won't gib you a ticket...(holds the brim of his hat and looks down his nose with a sly grin) un-wess you are doing sumping wong! he he heee"

The kids have all had growth spurts and are looking very long and lanky. Everett is breezing through clothing David wore last winter. We seem to suddenly have "young children" rather than babies. I'm sure, just like that, I'll be trying to catch my breath as I stare at adolescents and teens in a few years.

All amazing. All. Deciding to believe in "possible"...

xo,
Heather

True Story Thursday

David and I went to the American Apparel outlet while on vacation. At the check out counter, there were about 15 bins of sweat bands (think 1980's Rocky sort of things - because, clearly, the 80's styles need to come back 1. more. time. *sigh*).

David picks up a red, white and blue band. He put it on his head.

D: Yook Mom!! I have a head band! Dis means I work out. You work out Mom??
Me: Uhh. yes. I do David.
D: Yeah. I work out Mom! See? (he gets on the floor. I am a little stunned and grinning at the same time) I'm pushin' me up! Yook Mom!! I can push me up!! (he tries to do a push up but ends up looking like he's sort of break dancing)
Me: That's great David!! Look how strong you are! ... please get off the floor now Bub? (he does) (I scold my self internally for chancing ruining a moment because I saw a dust bunny roll across the floor as he...uh...pushed himself up. Dear self: please relax...a little...now a little more...your heart thanks you.)
D: I pushed me up because I have a head band. Could we take dis head band with us to our home Mom?
Me: David, I think it's 100% necessary to take that head band with us. Are you sure that's the color you want? (there were about 4 different green ones. Anyone who spends 5 minutes around David knows green is, hands down, that kid's "fa-bor-wit" color.)
D: I want DIS one Mom. DIS is da one I want!! (proudly wearing the red, white and blue)

We went to 2 other stores while at the outlets. David asked anyone who made eye contact with him if they worked out, and then demonstrated that he could "push me up" because of his head band. He walked with the swagger of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

When I tell you David rocks that sweat band I mean it with every fiber of my being. He is awesome. I wish I'd had even a third of that grounded confidence in myself and my decisions at his age - or anytime during my childhood. My sweet individual boy.


**********************
**I started this post on Wednesday - but ended up spending all of Thursday cooking! So, it's a late "True Story Thursday"...apologies!**
**********************

Everett's absolute favorite thing in the world right now (because you know, this can change next week - or in a few minutes really as all things toddlers go) is playing ball. He sees balls everywhere we go, points, grins and says, "ball". In our room on vacation, there were photos of a sunset over the bed. Every morning, Everett would wake up, look at the photos and say, "ball" with a HUGE grin.
*********************

While in St. Augustine, my cousin Ashley was married. It was the first wedding Mary Louise and David had ever attended. They were fascinated. On the way home (after the reception) Mary Louise asked the following questions:
ML: why did Ash-wee have that big beautiful white dress on Mommy?
Me: it's a wedding dress baby. She was getting married and it's tradition that the bride wear white as it's a sign of purity.
ML: ok...
D: yeah - but dat dress dus dragged da ground! It's gonna get all dirty! she should pick dat dress off da ground!

ML: But why did Ash-wee throw dose beautiful flowers all over? They broke and fell on da floor. I would never throw beautiful flowers like dat!
Me: ummm...the person who catches the flowers is supposed to be next to marry...but I'm not sure how that started...
ML: (frowning) broken flowers dus make me sad...I would never throw my beautiful flowers...

ML: So Mommy, I wuv David...can I marry him one day?
Me: Well, David is your brother Meesey.
ML: yeah - but I wuv him so I can marry him right?
Me: well, not really. You choose a person to marry that is not in your family. They choose to be with you and you with them. David will always be there for you - he's your brother. That never changes. When you fall in love, you choose each day to be with that person and you choose to make that person your partner and part of your family...does that make sense?
ML: sort of...maybe a yittle bit?

******************

Ballet started the week we were gone, so for us, the first class was this week. Mary Louise is taking again - this time with David too! David asked almost every week if he could take classes with Mary Louise last year. After a little (too much) thought, and viewing amazing performances put on by the company, we decided to let him try things out.

My reservations were washed away by: 1. Mary Louise exclaiming over and over that she would show David the ropes such as how to stay on his dot. She promised she would help him to settle into the class. But most of all - 2. Mary Louise and David's faces as they came out of the class. They were the epitome of pride; the ultimate in satisfaction. In short, they became "big kids" the very moment they let go of my hand, embraced one another's and walked through that class door. They loved it and talked about it all the way home.

Let them do what they love. Let them do what they love. As long as there are more good days than bad, ballet classes will be in our routine. May they be limber and graceful, confident and balanced -with poise that makes others take pause and peace that passes understanding. May they experience all of that and more...while pretending to be any animal they wish as they dance across the floors of their ballet studio (which, from what I gather, is one of their class time practices). Most of all, may they transform and enjoy those moments of absolute freedom as they grow older, more aware and responsibilities increase. Go as far as you wish sweet babes. It's our privilege.
**************

Mary Louise was my "big helper" at market this morning. We went to a new farmers' market that is just a few blocks from our home. Brent and the boys walked over mid-day. Mary Louise and I got 2 solid hours between sales to chat.

ML: Mommy? Is that OUR ell-da-bur-we syrup right there?
Me: well, it's like ours, but it's to help others. We have some at home for you.
ML: I yike dat syrup.
Me: I'm glad Meesey...you take it every morning. I'm glad it tastes good.
ML: Me too Mommy. Why you making it for other people doe?
Me: Well, I like taking care of others. I found something that works for us and thought other people might like to know about it too. We all take care of one another. It's what people do.
ML: I stink you a good Mommy, Mommy.
Me: Thank you my Meese. That means an awful lot...

*grin* these moments, in all their glorious cheesey-ness and adorable fluffiness really do happen you know...and I smile every time...
**************

For those in our area (or not...I can ship a few things as needed or interest dictates), I now have a Downtown Naturals Facebook page. Keep up with all of our goings on - and our newest products - AND provide much wanted (and needed) feedback there! Business is going quite well - even in these very early learning stages and I'm excited to be adding a few things very soon!!

xo,
Heather

Convos with 4 year olds

David and I talking over pancakes this morning:

David: What's that??
Me: Peach syrup Daddy got while in Ruston. Would you like to try it?
David: Ummmmmmm sure!
Me: (pouring)
David: So dis is peach syrup yike da peach we ate yast night with da red skin?
Me: yes - like the peaches Daddy brought home a few weeks ago...
David: da peaches with da red skin and I didn't yike dat red skin but the peaches were deeeee-wishus but I didn't yike dat red skin so you took it off???
Me: yes. The peach syrup is made from peaches just like that.
David: and nay-pool syrup is made from...nay-pools?
Me: well, the sap of maple trees. Maple syrup comes from trees...
David: ok. So nay-pool syrup comes from trees and peach syrup comes from peaches with da red skin I didn't yike and nights come from castles??
Me: well, yes...in a manner of speaking...
David: ok! and maybe I can be a knight? and maybe dus a supa-hewoe? or maybe a ba-weese officer? or maybe a fireman? and and umm can I go pway with my friend May-weese now?
Me: yes, you can go play and you can do all of those things David? Do you know why you can do all those things?
David: umm - yes Mooom...because I can do any-ting I want to...*sigh*...can I go pway now?
Me: yes Bub. Go play.

*Lincoln Log explosion in the play room...LOTS of giggles and all 3 working together...win*
***************

Last night with Mary Louise:
Me: ok Drama Queen...
ML: Moooom, you don't call me Drama Queen. You call me boo-ti-ful.
Me: Excuse me. I stand corrected.
ML: hmph.
*********

Mary Louise was running down a brick walk at the farmers' market yesterday morning. Brent was following with Everett and David yelling at Mary Louise to slow down. She fell and cut her leg just above her knee pretty badly. She recovered quickly though - blood and all and I got her in her car seat with some clean tissues until we could get to the pharmacy (thankfully, it was at the very end of the market day so we just packed up and left a few minutes early). Bandaids, Neosporin and Motrin in hand, I went to clean her up a little better:

ML: Mom, you da docca now and putting a bandaid on da docca Meesey Pie's knee! You such a good docca Mommy!! Thank you!!

Love these kids and loving their quizzy and helpful ages. 

We had a good first day at the market. Though I'm not sure we're really with our "niche" group of customers, we'll give the Sulphur location one more try. Other vendors said it was a very slow day. But the weather was beautiful, I talked to alot of interested people, and if I enticed a person enough to simply SAMPLE what I had, they almost always bought something. So there's that. I'm still working on getting in on the ones closer to the house though - in part because, well, they're closer, but mostly because I think our products will do better there. (A number of people saw "organic" and "molasses" and "local honey" and said, "oh no sug, I don't do none of that healthy stuff." This makes me sad...

A pic Brent snapped with his phone:

It can only get better from here right???

xo,

Heather

True Stories Thursday

David: Mom! I don't know how to read these letters to make them fit this puzzle!
Me: Well, let's sound them out and find the matches. What is this letter?
David: Umm, uhhh, Duh, Duh, Duh...a Gee!
Me: Think about it David. "G" makes a "guh" sound and "D" makes a "duh" sound. You had it right the first time.

He puts it in the right spot. I cheer and clap. We do a "high five".

Me: Let's do another letter.
D: ok! I want to find the one that goes with the Guh Guh Guh...Grapes!
Me: Ok, well, we're looking for the letter "G" then. It makes the sound "guh" as in grapes. Do you see it?
D: ...
Me: here it is! (I put in in the slot)
D: VERY GOOD MOMMY!!! Good job!! You did great matching the letter and the picture!! (puts his hand up for a high five with a HUGE grin on his face)
************

Mary Louise: (whining)
Brent: Mary Louise. I just asked that you eat what you asked to have. Eat what's on your plate before asking for something else.
ML: But I don't want this! I want something else!
B: Then you shouldn't have asked for that. Just try it. Then you can have something else.
ML: (whining)
B: If you keep behaving that way, we can't go anywhere today. No one likes to be around whining.
ML: Something ELSE! (stomps her feet and balls her fists) you stop being mean Daddy!
B: Mean? I'm not the one whining and not eating. Maybe you should call Mere and Pops like you wanted to and tell them I'm being mean. Maybe they can help you.
ML: Mere and Pops don't like me! I can't call them.
B: What are you talking about? Mere and Pops adore you.
ML: I'm talking about Mere and Pops don't like me when I'm whining. I can't call them right now.
*************

Me: Mary Louise what is wrong?
ML: I feel angry!!! I have my angry face ONNNNN!!!
Me: Well, what can I do to help you find your happy face again? I miss my happy Meesey-pie.
ML: I don't know where to find my happy face Mommy! It's around on my body somewhere...but I can't find it right now.

I love that they can tell me how they feel.
*************

The big kids have fully embraced teaching Everett all they know. Furthermore, Everett has fully embraced the role of "student". It has empowered Mary Louise and David who I've heard, on more than one occasion, speaking softly but sternly to Everett about table etiquette, toy room manners and navigation of the house in general. They demonstrate, he watches and listens, he tries it, they offer constructive advice. It's amazing. The added pressure and responsibility of having a constant audience sponging in all they do has tailored their behavior in such a positive way. My hope is that they look back on these years with all of the fondness - maybe more - that I have for my baby bros.

Mary Louise and David are constantly asking about boundaries as well: Mom? Is this ok? Can we...? Are we...? Will we...? Is this how you say...?  They are spending less time pushing boundaries and more time understanding why they are there in the first place.
*************

And finally:

PEOPLE!!!! WE HAVE A WALKER!!!!!!!

Everett has been taking steps for quite some time - months in fact. However, he typically does so when he's set up - I place him standing, Brent sits with arms open waiting, Everett giggles the few steps in between us and so on.

Last night, Brent walked in and Everett suddenly got down from me on the sofa and crossed 2 rooms to get to his daddy! We were all so proud - possible none so much as Everett himself. He's continued his efforts today. He'll fall and instead of reverting to a crawl, he stands and tries again.

Growing babies, greatest blessings.

xo,
Heather

Needed: My lesson in growth and letting go

Mary Louise and David started going to a Montessori camp today. I called it school (because that's really what it is - but just 2 weeks worth of mornings) and prepared them just as I would for any other new activity or lesson. They were excited - a little nervous - but mostly really really excited.

I have talked to their teacher for months...and by "talk" I mean obsessively emailed, texted and called with obnoxious updates and suggestions regarding the ever changing and constantly developing personalities, dynamic and function of Mary Louise and David. She's a good sport about my helicopter parenting. She doesn't just listen, but actually follows up with exact examples and super descriptive instances where my force fed information might have (possibly) come in handy - then she does one better and tells me how my over zealous hovering is not just ok - but maybe even justified - ha.

I offered to be a "room mom". But, I couldn't shake the feeling that this was just one of those times I needed to step back and let our littles shine in their own lights. Admittedly, I also felt a hefty push from within to take advantage of those few precious hours with Everett and just enjoy a slightly slower pace for a little while.

I brought them over this morning with plans to run while they had school time. I was really excited about the chance to put in a few miles, sweat the good sweat and breathe in the warm sun while sorting through my crazy brain for a bit - clarity with exercise followed by that complete exhale- it is my one of most favorite feelings.

We were the first to arrive. Yeah. Don't think I was all organized and graceful either. I did set out clothes and things the night before - but we still ran late and ripped into the driveway 5 minutes after the hour. Ha - apparently, the other moms were just slightly more frantic than I was so we didn't miss anything!

Mary Louise and David didn't bat a eye and marched right up to their teacher and her daughter and said their good mornings. They immediately made themselves at home - exploring all of the new school props about (the teacher also led their music class and we've had play dates with her family so this was all familiar territory for Mary Louise and David - win!)

I was the one who sort of froze for a bit. Everett looked around and crawled under the carport. The other children and room moms arrived. Everyone did just fine. I stood watching for half and hour - realizing the whole time that our sweet kiddos adjusted so immediately and seamlessly that I had to mentally catch up to their level of comfort.

I told them I was going to go for a run. They stopped, looked, listened, nodded, said, "ok mom" and went right on about their day. It was one of the first times I felt as if I was just there because of me, rather than them. I hovered closer for a few minutes...breathing down their sweet little necks...forcing myself to meander on over to the car and get the stroller set up. I looked back at them. Still fine. Not even noticing. Big kids.

I started out on my run. It felt good to connect with the pavement again.

I remembered having a fuss with my mom after the kids were home (from the hospital). Mom looked at me, appearing bewildered at what I had asked (I don't even remember what it to be honest) - she said, "you just don't need me anymore. You're fine. You can do this. You don't need me. None of you do..."

I started to cramp and kept running - slowing just a tad and focusing on breathing. I found my sweet spot in form and kept going. My legs going a little numb- moving instinctively. Steady pace. I thought of my mom's eyes in that moment...

I was heart broken. I felt I needed more than she could give and didn't blame her at all for the remark. To me, it was just part of her grieving. I just felt sad. Didn't she know? There have been so many times that, as an adult, I felt I needed my mom more than I did as a child (and goodness knows more than I needed her as a teen -*grin*). There has not been one moment - not one instant - that I have not needed her. Ever. Not once. Not wanted her? sure. Not needed...never.

And there it was...clarity.

Everett started a fit and I ended up not only nursing openly on the side of a south Lake Charles road amid small farms and large pick up trucks, but also carrying that stinker under my arm - screaming - for over half a mile. A man working on a tractor offered me a ride - bless him - I'm sure it's not a regular thing to see a sweat drenched flustered mom pushing an empty double jogger while carrying a baby kicking and fussing down the side of a fast paced country road. The man was the teacher's father. It made complete sense that he'd offer a ride - and I knew he meant it. They are that family. Without a second thought before or after, giving of themselves is as natural as breathing.

I trudged down the drive and plopped into the front seat. I didn't want to interrupt the kids - and Everett needed a quiet moment anyhow. I nursed him again and we cooled off awhile. I thought about running a marathon...or a half...or a full...

We ran an errand and came back to see how Mary Louise and David were doing. They were playing with HUGE tired grins.

Loaded in the car, they told me basics about their day. Then David suddenly said, "Mom? Did you have a good run?"

"Yes," I replied.

"I missed you and Everett. But I had fun at my school Mom."

"Wonderful. Would you like to go back tomorrow?"

"YES!!"

And that was that. I reminded myself that needs simply change and develop over time. Physical transforms into emotional, mental, collaborative. The need just shifts. Then I gave myself permission to linger a little longer and recognize that it was for me - that was my "me" moment WITH the kids. Recognize it. Embrace it. Let it go.

Family growing moments. I keep finding myself wondering who really is learning here...the answer, for me, is always the same: all of us.

xo,
Heather

P.S. Grump Grump Everett is teething again - explains his less than stellar road side show.