Wal-Mart

I'm pretty sure I could simply leave this post blank and publish the title and you could draw your own conclusions - but then I wouldn't get to spout off with a bit of my endless sarcasm and take the edge off of our day with a little good old journal writing would I?

I woke this morning...and wanted beef stew. I almost NEVER want beef - and we rarely keep any stock in the freezer, so I knew a trip to the store would need to happen if I was to quell the craving (we needed a few things anyhow). Mary Louise was in a FOUL mood first thing - so I really believed it just wouldn't happen today, but low and behold, a batch of banana pancakes with cinnamon and vanilla cure pretty much any gripes, grumps, or otherwise.

We took things pretty easy, played a bit, I showered and got ready for my day (yeah - by ready, I mean I showered. put on yoga pants, decided I was too tired for anything else and put a hat on - that was that Jack.) Mary Louise and David chose their clothes and I helped them put them on...

David pitched another fit about shoes. He's done this everyday since Sunday. I realize that that's a total of 3 fits (I started this post on Tuesday) - but it seems like a year's worth to me! Now, I don't care if he wears shoes at all - I don't care what color they are, I don't even really care if the darn things fit for a simple trip to the store - hell, I don't care if he wears Mary Louie's shoes...ok, maybe I care a little if he picks the ones with flowers on them - people always assume they are both girls and that doesn't make my case any easier...

So, we got the shoe thing settled (he went in with one flip flop on and carried the other), and we were off. We were all in good spirits - the babies were laughing, I was confident that I could make this a good quick trip as we only needed about 10 things...

We got to the parking lot and I parked in the first line next to the handi-capped spots (one of the advantages of shopping during senior citizen hours / before noon - ha). Buggy attained, kiddos in - David still had one shoe on and still opted to carry the other. Whatever works...

I pointed out the scrappy looking parking lot birds, others leaving with groceries, anything to get Mary Louise and David's attention - they seemed to be having fun...

We crossed the automatic door threshold...

down...down...downhill it went...

I swear, Walmart sprays some sort of irritating mist throughout their stores - or more likely, the sheer size of the place is just too much for a kid to handle what with the towers of balls in nets randomly placed next to truckloads of diapers, cat food, and sippy cups...

I was just about to close in on item number 5 when I heard, "OH MY GOSH! they're getting so big!"

It was one of the babies' night nurses from the NICU. Huge grin - totally together - beautiful and pregnant. David and Mary Louise were a bit wild - but nothing I hadn't seen before - and certainly not on their worst behavior. We chatted over whines for a minute - it was really good to see her - and we moved on.

The rest of the trip worsened by the minute and I quickly made my way to the check-out before the irritation came to climax. Seriously, how could I forget that with 42 checkout lines, Wal-Mart only employs 2 cashiers. Oy.

We waited, I pointed out things that seemed fun to look at - we said, "hi" to surrounding shoppers. I answered the "twins? twins? TWINS????" question another half dozen times and heard a few nostalgic, "my brother in law's aunt's cousin twice removed had twins back in 1902" stories and smiled and nodded politely...

I let the babies load the conveyor belt thing with groceries. The lady in front of us was moving rather slowly (or I was just getting really anxious about what was surely about to happen...the meltdown phase - I had to get out of there!)...I pushed our buggy up unwittingly putting David in line to press the buttons on the credit card keypad. He was enthralled. The lady in front of us? not so much.

I moved our cart out of the way, and it was finally our turn. Our nurse friend pulled through the line next to us - we were chatting while I juggled the checkout bagging and 2 babies who were itching to get out of that darn buggy. An angry David started...

He tried to beat his head on the bottom of the buggy - luckily, he was just testing the waters and not really serious...I stopped him- honestly, he hadn't done that in weeks. Mary Louise started shrieking to turn the attention.

All I could say was, "it's nap time." Thinking, "for all of us."

Finally packed up and ready to go, we bid our friend good bye. I signed and pushed toward the outer door and smiled at the 92 year old standing there with yellow highlighter in hand . Of course we set the alarms off. Of course we did.

Said 92 year old gave me a grin and told me to, "hold on honey," while she looked up Lord knows what on some list. I thought of running - but honestly, I wasn't sure if the babies had actually helped themselves to some odds and ends around the check out and really at that point, being hauled off to jail - no matter how peaceful it sounded, didn't really seem like an A+ option for me...

I'd bought some razor blades and after some discussion, and a cataloging of the package information (and another agonizing 5 minutes), we were allowed to leave.

The show they put on when I was putting them in their car seats is seriously not worth mentioning. But lets just say I was glad we were in full view of everyone because the noises Mary Louise and David made were so shrill and heart wrenching, even I had to check to make sure I wasn't beating them mercilessly with some sort of baseball bat.

Totally not worth the $3 dollars I probably saved by going to the "superstore". And the boycott of Walmart begins...holy cow.

xo,
Heather

P.S. The stew was really good - Mary Louise and David both loved it - Mary Louise even had 4ths the first evening!